Honey Money (won't you stay)?

Since I started working for myself, I'd had a frought relationship with money.

That's mainly because there was no one there to micromanage me, direct my super and the like.

Coming from an immigrant background, austerity was a way of life and abundance was something that happened to alien forms from other planets. Our family, like all the families around us made miracles happen on a shoestring - and there was a sense of pride in that.

Fast forward 20 years and those mixed messages remain. Society blurts at me that bling is in and we respect those strong enough to keep up. In the cluelessness I felt towards accumulating wealth ('who was there to teach me?' was my excuse), I resort to a fantasy life funded by credit cards. Eating out where ever I want, wearing whom ever I please... Life is sweet - and somehow bitter-sweet. It bites because I'm still stuck in the 'poverty' trap. It hurts because a steady income seems to slip through my fingers. It's dire more than anything, becuase I want to be free and grown up, yet my debt is like a black hole that sucks up any opportunity that comes.

I live in a false dream so I don't struggle like my parents. And yet I have become the biggest prisoner of all.

At least my parents had a handle on money. What little they had, they appropriated wisely. It's what enabled them to be a success in a new country that allowed opportunities to fly. I, on the other hand had no idea what I make and what I let slip. It's easier not to know: responsibility can hurt.

And yet a point comes when it's just time to grow up. Scoldings of the past that have fallen on deaf ears were suddenly reborn as words of common sense. My parents nagged me so many times to cease all credit cards and build my savings... yet this didn't penetrate the roots of my deluded rationale (nor was it ready to, til now).

I meet her, a compatriot of my age and disposition. Her centre strikes me as it underpins her pretty lightness. She fixes me with a steely gaze and calls me on my crap immediately. Her name is Canna Campbell and she is my new friend who is a financial planner. Yet somehow is she also a mystic. Latte after latte, the secrets of money are revealed to me, with truths and insights on the attitudes that shape it.

Something finally clicks - within a week, I'm facing my responsibility with debt. I make a timeline to chart its progressive payment. All else is put on hold (trips overseas and other sensless fantasies).

By the second week, it's time to know my worth. I use my birthday money to employ a book keeper and accountant, as well as journal my expenses daily.

I take time to aknowledge the income opportunities that do comes in. Even 5c pieces in the street are honoured and appreciated. (By this time I suddenly have 5 new wonderful clients who seem to have come out of now where).

The credit card, my dear crutch is the last thing to go. And yet, there it is, gathering dustlings in a drawer. I have the refreshing lifestyle that is shaped by my true means. Oddly, my routine doesn't change so much. The Universe is always listening and providing. A meal with a friend is just as rich in a different restaurant. I don't go for a facial but realise I don't need it. Strawberries on my skin feel cleansed and strangely earthed. Now this, to me is ultimate abundance. becuase I want what I have and therefore have anything I want.

Life continues to listen and reward integrity. I recieve 3 more new clients at a wonderful new rate. I quote my price and they think it's a steal. I still feel funny talking about money, but like talk of sex, seeing the sacred value of it has been my last frontier.

I'm so glad that I've had Canna by my side. Since meeting her, I have achieved more in 8 weeks that I have tried to in 8 years. I feel empowered, responsible and on track. I faced reality and found new ways to conquer old ghosts in a lifestyle-friendly way.

I hear so many women talk of woe with money. We are in credit card dependency without realising it's emotional implication. We feel the need to spend so we feel better, all the while side-stepping what we truly value. We mimmic patterns with wealth like we have with men - here one minute, poofed the next.

I wanted women to know what I know and experience the empowering changes that I have. I wanted Canna to share with others what she shared with me - and get as many women there as would listen.

And that is what we've done - put together a fast-track Masterclass of all the tips, tools and techniques that work to turn around our relationship with money.

With only a few seats left, this blog is simply to inspire everyone who reads it to reflect on their own attitudes and journey.

If this strikes true and you wish to still join us, then registration is open until friday at this link

http://www.theartofbeingsexy.com.au/page/honey-money-goddess-workshop/default.asp.

Til then - to all our birthright light, love and prosperity.

Alina xx

* image courtesy of http://www.havens.co.uk

The Thought Diet

As women, we are conditioned to be preoccupied with our weight.

To keep the economy churning, it deems important that we believe we are not good enough, with imaginary problems continuously packaged up and sold. Lips are suddenly the wrong plumpness, bums are an inadequate pertness...

We should know better when the new beauty ideal is represented by an androgynous teenage boy (Andrej Pejic), but we don't. After all, the people in the marketing departments are awfully clever and well paid. Hired to do warfare with our self esteem, they get into our psyches through unguarded and surprising corners, convincing us that these ideas and inadequacies are indeed our own.

So, with our current beauty ideal currently set as tall, lithe and young (ovaries optional), a plethora of other beauty, Botticellian, archetypes fall through the cracks - and wastefully so.

Sure, the odd curvy Kardashian does break the mould, but media mags are ripe with tales of her neuroses. Her curvy beauty is rarely portrayed in an empowered way. In fact, these mags are more likely to be filled with celebrity women's neuroses than all else.

It seems like a subconscious vendetta against anything feminine. After all, femininity is powerful and it doesn't pay to have us feeling good about that.

These constant messages can spread anyone's self esteem too thin, if you'll indulge the pun. I too have been caught up in the desire to look a size 6. Naturally then, I thought, all my problems would go away: I would acquire instant social cult status and men would never leave me. Hey - it worked for Lindsay Lohan. Except that the more I aspired to this 'ideal', the squshier I got. The more I compared myself against the aesthetic fantasy that wasn't, the more I was (literally) feeding the reality that was.

I thought that self loathing would be a motivation tool. In fact it was an affirmation of everything I didn't want to be.

Spiritual gurus proclaimed to my numb sentiments that I need to love the body I'm in. I thought this was absurd - how could I love anything that society has clearly deemed unworthy? I truly believed that any one around me with any success had a six-pack. It's amazing what the deluded eye can see.

And so I pushed and strived on, with counter-effective outcomes. I lamented with girlfriends in similar predicaments over wasted hours of spin-classes over a guilty glass of wine. Not once did it occur to us that our toxic attitudes to our bodies had anything to do with this. We were conditioned that weight loss was as simple as lots of exercise and following a certain diet.

After a while, some sense appeared through the cracks. Spurred on by defeat and disappointment (and inspired by the wisdom of people who knew a thing or two about energetics), the penny began to drop.

If thoughts create my reality; and I'm constantly thinking of how gross I am - then I am perpetuating said condition! If I choose to see and feel my beauty right now, then I will be creating a beautiful biochemistry - not to mention physical body.

And so I chose to let go of my lonely, narrow-hipped beauty ideal and opened my eyes to who I really was. To sweet surprise, I saw a purring beauty, all honey skin ensconsing an erotic package. Immediately I felt ashamed at my wasted thoughts and narcissism. I was a knock-out! How dare I scorn creation when it generously put my puny self esteem into a package most would be lucky to have?

By God, how everything began to change the second I saw this truth. Food cravings disappeared, a bounce in my step became my trademark and even the nutrients I gravitated towards evolved. If ever I felt an emotional pining for food, I knew it was a clue to move my body more, preferably towards a life!

In fact, I experienced an easing off from my physical identity as a whole. Studying beautiful Goddesses that I suddenly saw everywhere (curvy, short, regal... walking tall and in command of their bodies), I began to see how every woman was in fact born with the gifts to be beautiful. It was a piercing gaze; in a graceful spine, a fluid walk and an inviting smile. I also saw ugliness that could creep into seemingly perfect features - a tense scowl, vacant gaze, hunched, self consious stance and awkward walk that hasn't grown into itself.

I know that even food alone doesn't work it's miracles without a healthy attitude in place. I saw big girls eating salads and thin girls eating McDonalds. The only thing that seems to unite the thin and glowing ones is a loving attitude to self. The only detox worth its gold is one where you purge the ugly self-images that keep you prisoner to your own self loathing.

As always, would love to hear your thoughts. What helps you feel beautiful and sexy? What obsessions don't?

Til next time,

Alina

www.alinabcoaching.com

** thank you jssgallery.org for this lovely image.

How the 'Unavailable' Become Available

Too often we misjudge our romantic prospect's clout a little prematurely.

High expectations and entitlement in sight, we flicker at the first sign of hardship or rejection. They don't text when we think they should, courtship doesn't follow our rules... and 'poof'. Our delicate egos exit stage left, convincing us that we are better than this crap, the crushed protests of our hearts irrelevant.

Despite this swift exit, we are all to quick to dismiss the OTHER as too closed, shy or non-commital. We cuss them for their issues and wave our arms in defeat as we hold out for someone new to give us the royal treatment we so rightfully deserve... To fuel our float, this emancipation is usually cheered on by well-meaning, (usually single) friends who toot your empowered horn as their own vicarious 'up-yours' jesture.

'He should have called right now and been beating down your door!' ' I would never put up with that!' 'You deserve better!'

But what if things were not as simple as the 'boy hunt girl down despite all odds' paradigm we're so conditioned to believe?

Who made up the 'rules' as to how the dance of love should run, or indeed a soul encounter's true purpose? Who said that for anything real and beautiful to evolve, the man must be consistently persistent from the start? What if, in order for that to happen, some gentle steps needed to happen first?

Yes, it would be nice if all of us were emotionally evolved and mature, but sometimes life happens. And like a shy rabbit underneath a bed post, our amorous expressions need some safety to come out.

While the complexities of love have always been the fodder of creation, it feels like modern bonding is prone to even more derail. With loved pets, careers and youTube clips, it's all too easy to hide behind our distractions and act like those early stings of love have never happened.

We tell ourselves we 'love' being busy and this is what life has become. However surface idleness without romantic depth is the proverbial existence of never leaving one's suburb, thinking the big wide world will only bite you in the ass. What do we think of people like that?? Those intimacy fears bind us to the same similar, small-minded prison.

So what happens when you meet another objet d'amour who suddenly pushes you away? Do you recoil back into your own pain-body and dismiss them with a 'NEXT!'? Or do you dig a little deeper and have the confidence to claim what's going on?

Now, I am not saying be delusional. Obviously you need your wits to call out this one. A person's character is revealed over several encounters - so if they are rude, completely ignore you and there is no real connection beyond your lust, move on.

However, if you feel there is something there... yet they are a bit shy or not as heavy as you're used to (or what all your single friends tell you you 'deserve'), hold out and persevere... The human heart can be a tender organ... so have patience.

Allow this opportunity to serve you as a mirror. For - every time your text has gone unanswered and your hopeful plans unrealised, you too have ignored a call or backed out of an arrangement with someone else due to your own fear.

Allow the other to have their fears with compassion. Use this as an opportunity to work on your own. Something tells me they might be the same.

You shall observe that as you make yourself more loving and open - irregardless of your objects initial apprehensions, they may feel safe to shed their walls too. In the very least, you can become more radiant and loving as yourself. And perhaps that is the lesson of it all.


Til next time

Alina xx

Primal Power

Who's seen the 'Black Swan'?

In her embodiment of the shadow, Nina was electrifying. Who didn't feel a jolt of life-force through their own veins as she finally awakens to her primal nature, eyes wildly ablaze?

With a hungry recognition of our own repressed animal nature, we lamented for our own secret Self that wants to be free, wild, unaffected... Oh how glorious it would be to live and not give a ****!

In our high-pressure and over-regulated world, this aspect of ourself is, of course, given minimal permission.

We are expected to be polite and measured in our demeanour, denying the pulses of our truth, lest it cause a ruckus. Who didn’t feel a vague familiarity at the scared, pleasing ballerina who just wanted to get it right so that she would be loved?

Yet at the same time, there was the pressure on her to be a woman completely embodying her sexual power - and are there too not parts in our life when we are given mixed messages, asked to turn it off and on at will.

‘Be feminine... but not ditzy!’ ‘ Be a man... but not a bogan!’ ‘Claim us gents.... but don’t be chauvenistic!’ ‘Be a sexual goddess... but don’t be a slut!’

Yet our systems aren't designed to turn it off and on at will. It is all run by the same sexual mechanism. We can't expect our women to be 'ladies' and then turn it on and be 'lose'. We can't label our men to be 'cavemen' or 'cowards', then complain that they don't 'claim' us.

Where is the line? Who defines it or even knows? For so long, we've been so confused about what it is to be a man or a woman that we have just accepted a numbed down version of how society must run and fear anything beyond it.

From a young age, fear and a mistrust in our own - and each other's - power (read - energy) has ruled us. Our exhuberant self expression was usually too intense for someone. We were reprimanded for crying too passionately, laughing too loudly, raging too theatrically. Yet if only the currents of these emotions were free to simply pass through us - without oppression or judgement - then perhaps today we could be free open and whole - like indeed the ‘animal’ nature we yearn for so much.

And we love animals, don’t we? For their innocence and authenticity primarily. No one is telling a dog to act like a cat. Territorial expressions are accepted and expected. Are we forgetting that, actually... we are animals too?

Emotions turn to painful actions only when they don’t have a proper channel out, an exit through our movement and sound. This is when they begin to stew and simmer inside of us, waiting for their next loaded outlet. Could it be that a repression of our anger leads to outbursts of violence? Wouldn't it be lovely if more of our parents told us that when we are upset, it's ok to punch a pillow, or scream into it... that intensity is ok, as long as it doesn't hurt someone else?

When we are told to fear our emotions, we tend to go numb - and the intellect takes over. That is why so many relationships today are decided by the head, not the heart. When a response is required of us, we go into acting more to ensure we present the recipient with the right 'answer'. So if we are really pissed off, we act like we're cool. If we are bored, we act like we're in raptures. If we are indifferent, we pretend like we care.

To counter this numbness, pain was Nina's gateway to getting real with her truth. It was the only way to connect with those angry, buried aspects of herself... Rest assured that dormant anger delightfully resides in you too, in all of us - ready to be channeled healthfully into your own masterpiece!

I connected to my own alter ego... the 'black panther' as my teacher Nityama called it.

In my own private space, I had reason to growl those chords loose... and I let that be ok. As I let go of my frustrations, they were without blame or malice. Simply, just an honouring of and letting go of my own energy. Yes, it was painful at times to feel. But I was feeling things again... and it was worth it.

Since embodying my animal nature and allowing it regular expression in my meditation and dance, I have become oddly calmer. I am even way nicer. It’s like Mila Kunis’s Lily, who displays that healthy embodiment - being at once truly sexual and sweet, she knows that that primal power is always in the back burner, allowing her life and performances to relax into effortlessness.

The crux for all of us that all the while we try to be 'good', we are repeatedly drawn to the 'bad' (or really, authentic). Why else would we be enamoured with Lily? Or vixens like Angelina Jolie and a plethora of all those handsome bad boys?

If this ressonates with you, here is how you can begin to tap into your own inner ‘darkness’ - and truly come alive:

1. Do some intense exercise - even if it's a sprint for 20 minutes. Tap into any supressed, natural anger throughout the day and channel it out through your movement.

2. Scream in the car. Or in the bath. Or on a mountain top. Most importantly is that you scream. Every animal roars so do not be afraid of your own voice. It’s wildly liberating.

3. Punch a pillow or a boxing bag. In general, get used to dynamic movement. Animals pounce and preen and you should too. Shake your body really vigorously as if you are three again and having a tantie at Woollies. It’s just as fun now. Dance as if you are a tribal savage. The point here is to give yourself permission to be wild and ridiculous, not Beyonce.

4. Breathe deeply. Our instinctual wisdom lives in our lower bellies. How often do you go there? If you want to continue feeling stuck and frustrated, keep going with your shallow chest-breath.

5. Have a body work session. This is the ultimate emotional and spiritual recharge. Using breath and accupressure points will release old stagnant energy and create more room for that electrifying life force to flow through you. (I am trained to do them, as are some other wonderful practitioners. Drop me a line on alina@alinabcoaching.com if you want to book in or know more).

That’s it for now. Do what you need to do for yourself daily to be positive and calm - even if that means screaming into a pillow for 20 minutes non-stop. After all, society would expect nothing less ;)

Til next time,

Alina xx

www.alinabcoaching.com
www.theartofbeingsexy.com.au

Are You Making Him The 'Bad Guy'?

In our increasing quest for girl-control it's often easy to make men in the 'wrong'.

He doesn't call... he won't commit... he asks you out too late in the week... clearly he's the 'emotional retard' here, right? Not so fast.

Certainly, men still have a lot to learn in the finer points of romance and communication :) However, you can either jar him into further inaction by acting angry and entitled, or you can gently coax out his sweet spot by being the sort of woman he wants to give the world to.

Grrr... I hear you say. 'Why do I have to do all the work again? Why can't men just get a clue??'

Well maybe once upon a time men did have a clue. They called and courted (and yes, Mad-Men style chauvenised) until Feminism stepped in. The pendulum swung the other way, with men being made to feel wrong and guilty for their crimes against us - so all notions of directional masculinity has been bra-burnt out of them, lest we take offence at their further 'wrong doings'.

The modern times are all about finding a balance - between empowerment in our life and work choices as well as our feminine and masculine natures.

And ladies, since we have a few extra communication neurons... it needs to start with us. I promise it's worth it.

So lets begin with a reminder of how male energy works.

He's either drawn to you or he's not. Think about how their anatomy works and you will once again get the picture. There is much you can do to magnetise and inspire him to point in your direction so that this urge is automatic, versus expecting him to give what he's not feeling to give (its like yelling at a limp penis).

So, if a man isn't giving you what you want, it's because he either doesn't feel to; or he would like to connect more but he doesn't know how to because somewhere along the line he too lost a bit of faith in himself... (and would like just a little sweetness and encouragement, OK?).

The reality is, we are angry at men for all the times they couldn't do the 'obvious' and let us down. But us women need to take some responsibility too and learn the 'obvious' when it comes to guys.

Most of us want a man to 'step up'... Take charge and claim us and assert his Masculinity. However, if you want him to be fully in his Masculine, you need to work with that Masculinity... not fight it, like we have been known to.

Along with directionality, drive and dominion - aloofness, detachment and space equally make up the Male force! You need to work with all of it - not just demand the parts that you want.

If you want to get the best out of a man, you need to give him the best part of what makes you a woman - your softness, femininity and warmth. What if, rather than making him feel like a clueless bastard, you treat it as a game where he is your affable love student and you are his wise and omni-potent tutor? Show him how to treat you, how to love in a way that makes him feel safe... and watch his imagination and willingness come alight.

If he really has been misbehaving, don't play games. State it directly and take time out. Do not sulk and be cryptic.. it's immature.

When he 'jerks' you around from time to time, it's probably not his intent. Be in your power and state your boundaries calmly - but don't lose your head (or your self-worth) over it. It's very rare that to torture you is a man's intent. He just wants to do his thing.

The men I speak to are just as confused as we are. The reality is, no one taught us how to really love - our modern lives are largely defined by self-protection mechanisms and a quest to get what we want (rather than to really give).

So if his behaviour is hurting you, be courageous enough feel into what's really going on beneath the surface - rather than buy into his mask of indifference. Sometimes it's wise to know when to walk away - but you will never really know how you feel if your lovability (for yourself first and foremost) is blocked by a cloud of offence.

And no matter what you decide and where you take your connection... Be kind and wish him well. After all, he's learning to love also.

Til next time,

Alina xx

From Bitch to Sister

Friendship between women is a funny and complicated thing.

Layered with sensitivities and unspoken agreements, it can be a breeding ground for bitchiness and confusion as much as a supportive mirror for our greatest selves.

What is friendship about for you?

Perhaps you see your girls regularly to have a laugh and discuss all matters at hand. You have a great time together and wouldn’t trade them for the world.

It may also be that sometimes a girlfriend or two really annoy you. Of course, you likely say nothing as it’s not worth the fight. 'A lot safer to 'vent' to the others!'

And this is where the break-down in Sisterhood begins.

For every time you utter a word against your girlfriend... resentment awakens in you. Every time she does that 'thing' you dislike... it poisons you further. As she unknowingly continues her actions, you build up a mental case against her until you quietly hate her guts.

Eventually, your annoyance may hit a peak and - after too many wines, you let her have it. And you likely feel entitled - after all, she's in the 'wrong'!

A draining and strung out discussion ensues, with your shocked friend being none the wiser about your frustration and various other members of your group forced to uncomfortably 'take sides'. After much hysteria, the whole thing blows over and is laughed off as a 'silly fight'... until next time.

As juvenile as this scenario may sound, this is an all-too-common construct for resolving arguments. Whether the all-girl playground or 'cut-throat' dating pool, we are sometimes so accustomed to bitchiness as the norm that we seldom ponder the alternative.

Well ladies, here it is:

What if you knew, with every fibre of your being, that your girls had your back. They never tired of singing your praises and made you feel like a Goddess who could fly. And if you did ever goof up, they would come to you first without workshopping it with a million others. You knew they would never speak a word against you and be your greatest cheerleaders - in private and in public.

Nice, right?

Well, this is how my group of carefully chosen girlfriends finally makes me feel. I didn’t think it was possible for women to behave in this way to eachother – but nothing makes me feel more blessed. Simply, I choose to no longer have negativity around me and I invite you to do the same.

Begin with this:

If a girlfriend is bugging you, either let it go or tell her - but the most toxic thing you can seriously do is bitch. I swear it just comes back to you.

Every time you bitch, compete, or backstab... you are undermining yourself and all of the Feminine.

Cut your friend some slack. If it's bugging you, that quality is probably in you too. Take a deep breath and look within - often by taking responsibility yourself, the 'problem' dissapears.

If she is genuinely being difficult - simply and nicely tell her. That is what a friend is actually supposed to do - help us become a better person. If you can't share how you feel with a friend, then who the heck are you hanging out with?!

Sometimes, we do grow apart. That is natural. Be honest about your reasons for continuing a friendship. Sometimes it is not necessary to lose a friend... just readjust their proximity. Remember, you are the average of your 5 best friends. Surround yourself with the people whom you wanna be like. You don't owe anyone anything if they make you feel like shit.

Conduct your friendships in a loving and noble way. Be a Queen, not a fishwife.

We're so much cooler when we pool together. The Feminine expands - the more beautiful you find her, the more gorgeous you become yourself.

And couldn’t the world get a little more gorgeous?

With love,
Alina xx

Lust vs Love - How Can You Tell?

We all want to feel the butterflies.

That feeling of our eyes and bodies belonging solely to another, where even the finest specimen leaves our head unturned.

I too have longed to lose myself in pining - euphoric moments of togetherness evolving to an elated crash as separation finally arrives.

Welcome to the world of lust, where romantic assessments are based on feeling and an 'unseen' energy vs character and togetherness.

Lust feels amazing - and not just in the loins. It is a feeling of desiring someone wholeheartedly with your body, including your heart. It is like taking a happy drug where you feel blissful in their presence... You feel bigger, better, stronger... indeed, it feels very much like falling in love.

So how do you know that you are not?

Because love awakens our desire to give, whilst lust triggers our compulsion to take. With lust, we WANT them, crave our fix. Their presence - or lack of - greatly influences our mood.

We don't seem to care whether they even care - whether they are on time, honest, 'get' our job or like our friends. Whilst those things may niggle at us, we conveniently forget them in the elation of being in their presence once again.

With love, it is a more grounded, anchored feeling of sweet knowing that extends its branches into partnership and togetherness. Simply, you're a team. You care about each others work and woes. Your desire is to give, to create happy moments for each other without expecting anything in return. You don't lose yourself when you are with them - you become more of who you are.

It is easy to imagine a future with your love object. There will be a receptive feeling as you picture your wedding, your children, meeting challenges and enjoying old age. Everything feels like it might just work out.

Try as you might to do the same for your lust object, and it feels like they almost want to run from the scene! There will be something in your gut that says 'this isn't right' and even 6 months down the line your visions may feel blurred.

So can your lust object be your love object? Absolutely. If the character and partnership are present. You will be best mates and lovers - as well as a million other incarnations all in the one. Oh, and your love object will TOTALLY give you butterflies...

...it's just a feeling that will grow stronger with time.

If you have a comment or your own lust to love tale, feel free to leave a post or email me at alina@alinabcoaching.com.

Have a beautiful week x