How the 'Unavailable' Become Available

Too often we misjudge our romantic prospect's clout a little prematurely.

High expectations and entitlement in sight, we flicker at the first sign of hardship or rejection. They don't text when we think they should, courtship doesn't follow our rules... and 'poof'. Our delicate egos exit stage left, convincing us that we are better than this crap, the crushed protests of our hearts irrelevant.

Despite this swift exit, we are all to quick to dismiss the OTHER as too closed, shy or non-commital. We cuss them for their issues and wave our arms in defeat as we hold out for someone new to give us the royal treatment we so rightfully deserve... To fuel our float, this emancipation is usually cheered on by well-meaning, (usually single) friends who toot your empowered horn as their own vicarious 'up-yours' jesture.

'He should have called right now and been beating down your door!' ' I would never put up with that!' 'You deserve better!'

But what if things were not as simple as the 'boy hunt girl down despite all odds' paradigm we're so conditioned to believe?

Who made up the 'rules' as to how the dance of love should run, or indeed a soul encounter's true purpose? Who said that for anything real and beautiful to evolve, the man must be consistently persistent from the start? What if, in order for that to happen, some gentle steps needed to happen first?

Yes, it would be nice if all of us were emotionally evolved and mature, but sometimes life happens. And like a shy rabbit underneath a bed post, our amorous expressions need some safety to come out.

While the complexities of love have always been the fodder of creation, it feels like modern bonding is prone to even more derail. With loved pets, careers and youTube clips, it's all too easy to hide behind our distractions and act like those early stings of love have never happened.

We tell ourselves we 'love' being busy and this is what life has become. However surface idleness without romantic depth is the proverbial existence of never leaving one's suburb, thinking the big wide world will only bite you in the ass. What do we think of people like that?? Those intimacy fears bind us to the same similar, small-minded prison.

So what happens when you meet another objet d'amour who suddenly pushes you away? Do you recoil back into your own pain-body and dismiss them with a 'NEXT!'? Or do you dig a little deeper and have the confidence to claim what's going on?

Now, I am not saying be delusional. Obviously you need your wits to call out this one. A person's character is revealed over several encounters - so if they are rude, completely ignore you and there is no real connection beyond your lust, move on.

However, if you feel there is something there... yet they are a bit shy or not as heavy as you're used to (or what all your single friends tell you you 'deserve'), hold out and persevere... The human heart can be a tender organ... so have patience.

Allow this opportunity to serve you as a mirror. For - every time your text has gone unanswered and your hopeful plans unrealised, you too have ignored a call or backed out of an arrangement with someone else due to your own fear.

Allow the other to have their fears with compassion. Use this as an opportunity to work on your own. Something tells me they might be the same.

You shall observe that as you make yourself more loving and open - irregardless of your objects initial apprehensions, they may feel safe to shed their walls too. In the very least, you can become more radiant and loving as yourself. And perhaps that is the lesson of it all.


Til next time

Alina xx