As women, we are conditioned to be preoccupied with our weight.
To keep the economy churning, it deems important that we believe we are not good enough, with imaginary problems continuously packaged up and sold. Lips are suddenly the wrong plumpness, bums are an inadequate pertness...
We should know better when the new beauty ideal is represented by an androgynous teenage boy (Andrej Pejic), but we don't. After all, the people in the marketing departments are awfully clever and well paid. Hired to do warfare with our self esteem, they get into our psyches through unguarded and surprising corners, convincing us that these ideas and inadequacies are indeed our own.
So, with our current beauty ideal currently set as tall, lithe and young (ovaries optional), a plethora of other beauty, Botticellian, archetypes fall through the cracks - and wastefully so.
Sure, the odd curvy Kardashian does break the mould, but media mags are ripe with tales of her neuroses. Her curvy beauty is rarely portrayed in an empowered way. In fact, these mags are more likely to be filled with celebrity women's neuroses than all else.
It seems like a subconscious vendetta against anything feminine. After all, femininity is powerful and it doesn't pay to have us feeling good about that.
These constant messages can spread anyone's self esteem too thin, if you'll indulge the pun. I too have been caught up in the desire to look a size 6. Naturally then, I thought, all my problems would go away: I would acquire instant social cult status and men would never leave me. Hey - it worked for Lindsay Lohan. Except that the more I aspired to this 'ideal', the squshier I got. The more I compared myself against the aesthetic fantasy that wasn't, the more I was (literally) feeding the reality that was.
I thought that self loathing would be a motivation tool. In fact it was an affirmation of everything I didn't want to be.
Spiritual gurus proclaimed to my numb sentiments that I need to love the body I'm in. I thought this was absurd - how could I love anything that society has clearly deemed unworthy? I truly believed that any one around me with any success had a six-pack. It's amazing what the deluded eye can see.
And so I pushed and strived on, with counter-effective outcomes. I lamented with girlfriends in similar predicaments over wasted hours of spin-classes over a guilty glass of wine. Not once did it occur to us that our toxic attitudes to our bodies had anything to do with this. We were conditioned that weight loss was as simple as lots of exercise and following a certain diet.
After a while, some sense appeared through the cracks. Spurred on by defeat and disappointment (and inspired by the wisdom of people who knew a thing or two about energetics), the penny began to drop.
If thoughts create my reality; and I'm constantly thinking of how gross I am - then I am perpetuating said condition! If I choose to see and feel my beauty right now, then I will be creating a beautiful biochemistry - not to mention physical body.
And so I chose to let go of my lonely, narrow-hipped beauty ideal and opened my eyes to who I really was. To sweet surprise, I saw a purring beauty, all honey skin ensconsing an erotic package. Immediately I felt ashamed at my wasted thoughts and narcissism. I was a knock-out! How dare I scorn creation when it generously put my puny self esteem into a package most would be lucky to have?
By God, how everything began to change the second I saw this truth. Food cravings disappeared, a bounce in my step became my trademark and even the nutrients I gravitated towards evolved. If ever I felt an emotional pining for food, I knew it was a clue to move my body more, preferably towards a life!
In fact, I experienced an easing off from my physical identity as a whole. Studying beautiful Goddesses that I suddenly saw everywhere (curvy, short, regal... walking tall and in command of their bodies), I began to see how every woman was in fact born with the gifts to be beautiful. It was a piercing gaze; in a graceful spine, a fluid walk and an inviting smile. I also saw ugliness that could creep into seemingly perfect features - a tense scowl, vacant gaze, hunched, self consious stance and awkward walk that hasn't grown into itself.
I know that even food alone doesn't work it's miracles without a healthy attitude in place. I saw big girls eating salads and thin girls eating McDonalds. The only thing that seems to unite the thin and glowing ones is a loving attitude to self. The only detox worth its gold is one where you purge the ugly self-images that keep you prisoner to your own self loathing.
As always, would love to hear your thoughts. What helps you feel beautiful and sexy? What obsessions don't?
Til next time,
Alina
www.alinabcoaching.com
** thank you jssgallery.org for this lovely image.
