The Goddess Forcefield

Honey Money (won't you stay)?

2011-06-29T18:22:00.000-07:00

Since I started working for myself, I'd had a frought relationship with money.

That's mainly because there was no one there to micromanage me, direct my super and the like.

Coming from an immigrant background, austerity was a way of life and abundance was something that happened to alien forms from other planets. Our family, like all the families around us made miracles happen on a shoestring - and there was a sense of pride in that.

Fast forward 20 years and those mixed messages remain. Society blurts at me that bling is in and we respect those strong enough to keep up. In the cluelessness I felt towards accumulating wealth ('who was there to teach me?' was my excuse), I resort to a fantasy life funded by credit cards. Eating out where ever I want, wearing whom ever I please... Life is sweet - and somehow bitter-sweet. It bites because I'm still stuck in the 'poverty' trap. It hurts because a steady income seems to slip through my fingers. It's dire more than anything, becuase I want to be free and grown up, yet my debt is like a black hole that sucks up any opportunity that comes.

I live in a false dream so I don't struggle like my parents. And yet I have become the biggest prisoner of all.

At least my parents had a handle on money. What little they had, they appropriated wisely. It's what enabled them to be a success in a new country that allowed opportunities to fly. I, on the other hand had no idea what I make and what I let slip. It's easier not to know: responsibility can hurt.

And yet a point comes when it's just time to grow up. Scoldings of the past that have fallen on deaf ears were suddenly reborn as words of common sense. My parents nagged me so many times to cease all credit cards and build my savings... yet this didn't penetrate the roots of my deluded rationale (nor was it ready to, til now).

I meet her, a compatriot of my age and disposition. Her centre strikes me as it underpins her pretty lightness. She fixes me with a steely gaze and calls me on my crap immediately. Her name is Canna Campbell and she is my new friend who is a financial planner. Yet somehow is she also a mystic. Latte after latte, the secrets of money are revealed to me, with truths and insights on the attitudes that shape it.

Something finally clicks - within a week, I'm facing my responsibility with debt. I make a timeline to chart its progressive payment. All else is put on hold (trips overseas and other sensless fantasies).

By the second week, it's time to know my worth. I use my birthday money to employ a book keeper and accountant, as well as journal my expenses daily.

I take time to aknowledge the income opportunities that do comes in. Even 5c pieces in the street are honoured and appreciated. (By this time I suddenly have 5 new wonderful clients who seem to have come out of now where).

The credit card, my dear crutch is the last thing to go. And yet, there it is, gathering dustlings in a drawer. I have the refreshing lifestyle that is shaped by my true means. Oddly, my routine doesn't change so much. The Universe is always listening and providing. A meal with a friend is just as rich in a different restaurant. I don't go for a facial but realise I don't need it. Strawberries on my skin feel cleansed and strangely earthed. Now this, to me is ultimate abundance. becuase I want what I have and therefore have anything I want.

Life continues to listen and reward integrity. I recieve 3 more new clients at a wonderful new rate. I quote my price and they think it's a steal. I still feel funny talking about money, but like talk of sex, seeing the sacred value of it has been my last frontier.

I'm so glad that I've had Canna by my side. Since meeting her, I have achieved more in 8 weeks that I have tried to in 8 years. I feel empowered, responsible and on track. I faced reality and found new ways to conquer old ghosts in a lifestyle-friendly way.

I hear so many women talk of woe with money. We are in credit card dependency without realising it's emotional implication. We feel the need to spend so we feel better, all the while side-stepping what we truly value. We mimmic patterns with wealth like we have with men - here one minute, poofed the next.

I wanted women to know what I know and experience the empowering changes that I have. I wanted Canna to share with others what she shared with me - and get as many women there as would listen.

And that is what we've done - put together a fast-track Masterclass of all the tips, tools and techniques that work to turn around our relationship with money.

With only a few seats left, this blog is simply to inspire everyone who reads it to reflect on their own attitudes and journey.

If this strikes true and you wish to still join us, then registration is open until friday at this link

http://www.theartofbeingsexy.com.au/page/honey-money-goddess-workshop/default.asp.

Til then - to all our birthright light, love and prosperity.

Alina xx

* image courtesy of http://www.havens.co.uk

The Thought Diet

2011-05-31T00:42:00.000-07:00

As women, we are conditioned to be preoccupied with our weight.

To keep the economy churning, it deems important that we believe we are not good enough, with imaginary problems continuously packaged up and sold. Lips are suddenly the wrong plumpness, bums are an inadequate pertness...

We should know better when the new beauty ideal is represented by an androgynous teenage boy (Andrej Pejic), but we don't. After all, the people in the marketing departments are awfully clever and well paid. Hired to do warfare with our self esteem, they get into our psyches through unguarded and surprising corners, convincing us that these ideas and inadequacies are indeed our own.

So, with our current beauty ideal currently set as tall, lithe and young (ovaries optional), a plethora of other beauty, Botticellian, archetypes fall through the cracks - and wastefully so.

Sure, the odd curvy Kardashian does break the mould, but media mags are ripe with tales of her neuroses. Her curvy beauty is rarely portrayed in an empowered way. In fact, these mags are more likely to be filled with celebrity women's neuroses than all else.

It seems like a subconscious vendetta against anything feminine. After all, femininity is powerful and it doesn't pay to have us feeling good about that.

These constant messages can spread anyone's self esteem too thin, if you'll indulge the pun. I too have been caught up in the desire to look a size 6. Naturally then, I thought, all my problems would go away: I would acquire instant social cult status and men would never leave me. Hey - it worked for Lindsay Lohan. Except that the more I aspired to this 'ideal', the squshier I got. The more I compared myself against the aesthetic fantasy that wasn't, the more I was (literally) feeding the reality that was.

I thought that self loathing would be a motivation tool. In fact it was an affirmation of everything I didn't want to be.

Spiritual gurus proclaimed to my numb sentiments that I need to love the body I'm in. I thought this was absurd - how could I love anything that society has clearly deemed unworthy? I truly believed that any one around me with any success had a six-pack. It's amazing what the deluded eye can see.

And so I pushed and strived on, with counter-effective outcomes. I lamented with girlfriends in similar predicaments over wasted hours of spin-classes over a guilty glass of wine. Not once did it occur to us that our toxic attitudes to our bodies had anything to do with this. We were conditioned that weight loss was as simple as lots of exercise and following a certain diet.

After a while, some sense appeared through the cracks. Spurred on by defeat and disappointment (and inspired by the wisdom of people who knew a thing or two about energetics), the penny began to drop.

If thoughts create my reality; and I'm constantly thinking of how gross I am - then I am perpetuating said condition! If I choose to see and feel my beauty right now, then I will be creating a beautiful biochemistry - not to mention physical body.

And so I chose to let go of my lonely, narrow-hipped beauty ideal and opened my eyes to who I really was. To sweet surprise, I saw a purring beauty, all honey skin ensconsing an erotic package. Immediately I felt ashamed at my wasted thoughts and narcissism. I was a knock-out! How dare I scorn creation when it generously put my puny self esteem into a package most would be lucky to have?

By God, how everything began to change the second I saw this truth. Food cravings disappeared, a bounce in my step became my trademark and even the nutrients I gravitated towards evolved. If ever I felt an emotional pining for food, I knew it was a clue to move my body more, preferably towards a life!

In fact, I experienced an easing off from my physical identity as a whole. Studying beautiful Goddesses that I suddenly saw everywhere (curvy, short, regal... walking tall and in command of their bodies), I began to see how every woman was in fact born with the gifts to be beautiful. It was a piercing gaze; in a graceful spine, a fluid walk and an inviting smile. I also saw ugliness that could creep into seemingly perfect features - a tense scowl, vacant gaze, hunched, self consious stance and awkward walk that hasn't grown into itself.

I know that even food alone doesn't work it's miracles without a healthy attitude in place. I saw big girls eating salads and thin girls eating McDonalds. The only thing that seems to unite the thin and glowing ones is a loving attitude to self. The only detox worth its gold is one where you purge the ugly self-images that keep you prisoner to your own self loathing.

As always, would love to hear your thoughts. What helps you feel beautiful and sexy? What obsessions don't?

Til next time,

Alina

www.alinabcoaching.com

** thank you jssgallery.org for this lovely image.

How the 'Unavailable' Become Available

2011-04-03T19:57:00.000-07:00

Too often we misjudge our romantic prospect's clout a little prematurely.

High expectations and entitlement in sight, we flicker at the first sign of hardship or rejection. They don't text when we think they should, courtship doesn't follow our rules... and 'poof'. Our delicate egos exit stage left, convincing us that we are better than this crap, the crushed protests of our hearts irrelevant.

Despite this swift exit, we are all to quick to dismiss the OTHER as too closed, shy or non-commital. We cuss them for their issues and wave our arms in defeat as we hold out for someone new to give us the royal treatment we so rightfully deserve... To fuel our float, this emancipation is usually cheered on by well-meaning, (usually single) friends who toot your empowered horn as their own vicarious 'up-yours' jesture.

'He should have called right now and been beating down your door!' ' I would never put up with that!' 'You deserve better!'

But what if things were not as simple as the 'boy hunt girl down despite all odds' paradigm we're so conditioned to believe?

Who made up the 'rules' as to how the dance of love should run, or indeed a soul encounter's true purpose? Who said that for anything real and beautiful to evolve, the man must be consistently persistent from the start? What if, in order for that to happen, some gentle steps needed to happen first?

Yes, it would be nice if all of us were emotionally evolved and mature, but sometimes life happens. And like a shy rabbit underneath a bed post, our amorous expressions need some safety to come out.

While the complexities of love have always been the fodder of creation, it feels like modern bonding is prone to even more derail. With loved pets, careers and youTube clips, it's all too easy to hide behind our distractions and act like those early stings of love have never happened.

We tell ourselves we 'love' being busy and this is what life has become. However surface idleness without romantic depth is the proverbial existence of never leaving one's suburb, thinking the big wide world will only bite you in the ass. What do we think of people like that?? Those intimacy fears bind us to the same similar, small-minded prison.

So what happens when you meet another objet d'amour who suddenly pushes you away? Do you recoil back into your own pain-body and dismiss them with a 'NEXT!'? Or do you dig a little deeper and have the confidence to claim what's going on?

Now, I am not saying be delusional. Obviously you need your wits to call out this one. A person's character is revealed over several encounters - so if they are rude, completely ignore you and there is no real connection beyond your lust, move on.

However, if you feel there is something there... yet they are a bit shy or not as heavy as you're used to (or what all your single friends tell you you 'deserve'), hold out and persevere... The human heart can be a tender organ... so have patience.

Allow this opportunity to serve you as a mirror. For - every time your text has gone unanswered and your hopeful plans unrealised, you too have ignored a call or backed out of an arrangement with someone else due to your own fear.

Allow the other to have their fears with compassion. Use this as an opportunity to work on your own. Something tells me they might be the same.

You shall observe that as you make yourself more loving and open - irregardless of your objects initial apprehensions, they may feel safe to shed their walls too. In the very least, you can become more radiant and loving as yourself. And perhaps that is the lesson of it all.

Til next time

Alina xx

Primal Power

2011-02-28T16:30:00.000-08:00

Who's seen the 'Black Swan'?

In her embodiment of the shadow, Nina was electrifying. Who didn't feel a jolt of life-force through their own veins as she finally awakens to her primal nature, eyes wildly ablaze?

With a hungry recognition of our own repressed animal nature, we lamented for our own secret Self that wants to be free, wild, unaffected... Oh how glorious it would be to live and not give a ****!

In our high-pressure and over-regulated world, this aspect of ourself is, of course, given minimal permission.

We are expected to be polite and measured in our demeanour, denying the pulses of our truth, lest it cause a ruckus. Who didn’t feel a vague familiarity at the scared, pleasing ballerina who just wanted to get it right so that she would be loved?

Yet at the same time, there was the pressure on her to be a woman completely embodying her sexual power - and are there too not parts in our life when we are given mixed messages, asked to turn it off and on at will.

‘Be feminine... but not ditzy!’ ‘ Be a man... but not a bogan!’ ‘Claim us gents.... but don’t be chauvenistic!’ ‘Be a sexual goddess... but don’t be a slut!’

Yet our systems aren't designed to turn it off and on at will. It is all run by the same sexual mechanism. We can't expect our women to be 'ladies' and then turn it on and be 'lose'. We can't label our men to be 'cavemen' or 'cowards', then complain that they don't 'claim' us.

Where is the line? Who defines it or even knows? For so long, we've been so confused about what it is to be a man or a woman that we have just accepted a numbed down version of how society must run and fear anything beyond it.

From a young age, fear and a mistrust in our own - and each other's - power (read - energy) has ruled us. Our exhuberant self expression was usually too intense for someone. We were reprimanded for crying too passionately, laughing too loudly, raging too theatrically. Yet if only the currents of these emotions were free to simply pass through us - without oppression or judgement - then perhaps today we could be free open and whole - like indeed the ‘animal’ nature we yearn for so much.

And we love animals, don’t we? For their innocence and authenticity primarily. No one is telling a dog to act like a cat. Territorial expressions are accepted and expected. Are we forgetting that, actually... we are animals too?

Emotions turn to painful actions only when they don’t have a proper channel out, an exit through our movement and sound. This is when they begin to stew and simmer inside of us, waiting for their next loaded outlet. Could it be that a repression of our anger leads to outbursts of violence? Wouldn't it be lovely if more of our parents told us that when we are upset, it's ok to punch a pillow, or scream into it... that intensity is ok, as long as it doesn't hurt someone else?

When we are told to fear our emotions, we tend to go numb - and the intellect takes over. That is why so many relationships today are decided by the head, not the heart. When a response is required of us, we go into acting more to ensure we present the recipient with the right 'answer'. So if we are really pissed off, we act like we're cool. If we are bored, we act like we're in raptures. If we are indifferent, we pretend like we care.

To counter this numbness, pain was Nina's gateway to getting real with her truth. It was the only way to connect with those angry, buried aspects of herself... Rest assured that dormant anger delightfully resides in you too, in all of us - ready to be channeled healthfully into your own masterpiece!

I connected to my own alter ego... the 'black panther' as my teacher Nityama called it.

In my own private space, I had reason to growl those chords loose... and I let that be ok. As I let go of my frustrations, they were without blame or malice. Simply, just an honouring of and letting go of my own energy. Yes, it was painful at times to feel. But I was feeling things again... and it was worth it.

Since embodying my animal nature and allowing it regular expression in my meditation and dance, I have become oddly calmer. I am even way nicer. It’s like Mila Kunis’s Lily, who displays that healthy embodiment - being at once truly sexual and sweet, she knows that that primal power is always in the back burner, allowing her life and performances to relax into effortlessness.

The crux for all of us that all the while we try to be 'good', we are repeatedly drawn to the 'bad' (or really, authentic). Why else would we be enamoured with Lily? Or vixens like Angelina Jolie and a plethora of all those handsome bad boys?

If this ressonates with you, here is how you can begin to tap into your own inner ‘darkness’ - and truly come alive:

1. Do some intense exercise - even if it's a sprint for 20 minutes. Tap into any supressed, natural anger throughout the day and channel it out through your movement.

2. Scream in the car. Or in the bath. Or on a mountain top. Most importantly is that you scream. Every animal roars so do not be afraid of your own voice. It’s wildly liberating.

3. Punch a pillow or a boxing bag. In general, get used to dynamic movement. Animals pounce and preen and you should too. Shake your body really vigorously as if you are three again and having a tantie at Woollies. It’s just as fun now. Dance as if you are a tribal savage. The point here is to give yourself permission to be wild and ridiculous, not Beyonce.

4. Breathe deeply. Our instinctual wisdom lives in our lower bellies. How often do you go there? If you want to continue feeling stuck and frustrated, keep going with your shallow chest-breath.

5. Have a body work session. This is the ultimate emotional and spiritual recharge. Using breath and accupressure points will release old stagnant energy and create more room for that electrifying life force to flow through you. (I am trained to do them, as are some other wonderful practitioners. Drop me a line on alina@alinabcoaching.com if you want to book in or know more).

That’s it for now. Do what you need to do for yourself daily to be positive and calm - even if that means screaming into a pillow for 20 minutes non-stop. After all, society would expect nothing less ;)

Til next time,

Alina xx

www.alinabcoaching.com
www.theartofbeingsexy.com.au

Are You Making Him The 'Bad Guy'?

2010-10-17T21:44:00.000-07:00

In our increasing quest for girl-control it's often easy to make men in the 'wrong'.

He doesn't call... he won't commit... he asks you out too late in the week... clearly he's the 'emotional retard' here, right? Not so fast.

Certainly, men still have a lot to learn in the finer points of romance and communication :) However, you can either jar him into further inaction by acting angry and entitled, or you can gently coax out his sweet spot by being the sort of woman he wants to give the world to.

Grrr... I hear you say. 'Why do I have to do all the work again? Why can't men just get a clue??'

Well maybe once upon a time men did have a clue. They called and courted (and yes, Mad-Men style chauvenised) until Feminism stepped in. The pendulum swung the other way, with men being made to feel wrong and guilty for their crimes against us - so all notions of directional masculinity has been bra-burnt out of them, lest we take offence at their further 'wrong doings'.

The modern times are all about finding a balance - between empowerment in our life and work choices as well as our feminine and masculine natures.

And ladies, since we have a few extra communication neurons... it needs to start with us. I promise it's worth it.

So lets begin with a reminder of how male energy works.

He's either drawn to you or he's not. Think about how their anatomy works and you will once again get the picture. There is much you can do to magnetise and inspire him to point in your direction so that this urge is automatic, versus expecting him to give what he's not feeling to give (its like yelling at a limp penis).

So, if a man isn't giving you what you want, it's because he either doesn't feel to; or he would like to connect more but he doesn't know how to because somewhere along the line he too lost a bit of faith in himself... (and would like just a little sweetness and encouragement, OK?).

The reality is, we are angry at men for all the times they couldn't do the 'obvious' and let us down. But us women need to take some responsibility too and learn the 'obvious' when it comes to guys.

Most of us want a man to 'step up'... Take charge and claim us and assert his Masculinity. However, if you want him to be fully in his Masculine, you need to work with that Masculinity... not fight it, like we have been known to.

Along with directionality, drive and dominion - aloofness, detachment and space equally make up the Male force! You need to work with all of it - not just demand the parts that you want.

If you want to get the best out of a man, you need to give him the best part of what makes you a woman - your softness, femininity and warmth. What if, rather than making him feel like a clueless bastard, you treat it as a game where he is your affable love student and you are his wise and omni-potent tutor? Show him how to treat you, how to love in a way that makes him feel safe... and watch his imagination and willingness come alight.

If he really has been misbehaving, don't play games. State it directly and take time out. Do not sulk and be cryptic.. it's immature.

When he 'jerks' you around from time to time, it's probably not his intent. Be in your power and state your boundaries calmly - but don't lose your head (or your self-worth) over it. It's very rare that to torture you is a man's intent. He just wants to do his thing.

The men I speak to are just as confused as we are. The reality is, no one taught us how to really love - our modern lives are largely defined by self-protection mechanisms and a quest to get what we want (rather than to really give).

So if his behaviour is hurting you, be courageous enough feel into what's really going on beneath the surface - rather than buy into his mask of indifference. Sometimes it's wise to know when to walk away - but you will never really know how you feel if your lovability (for yourself first and foremost) is blocked by a cloud of offence.

And no matter what you decide and where you take your connection... Be kind and wish him well. After all, he's learning to love also.

Til next time,

Alina xx

From Bitch to Sister

2010-09-17T18:59:00.000-07:00

Friendship between women is a funny and complicated thing.

Layered with sensitivities and unspoken agreements, it can be a breeding ground for bitchiness and confusion as much as a supportive mirror for our greatest selves.

What is friendship about for you?

Perhaps you see your girls regularly to have a laugh and discuss all matters at hand. You have a great time together and wouldn’t trade them for the world.

It may also be that sometimes a girlfriend or two really annoy you. Of course, you likely say nothing as it’s not worth the fight. 'A lot safer to 'vent' to the others!'

And this is where the break-down in Sisterhood begins.

For every time you utter a word against your girlfriend... resentment awakens in you. Every time she does that 'thing' you dislike... it poisons you further. As she unknowingly continues her actions, you build up a mental case against her until you quietly hate her guts.

Eventually, your annoyance may hit a peak and - after too many wines, you let her have it. And you likely feel entitled - after all, she's in the 'wrong'!

A draining and strung out discussion ensues, with your shocked friend being none the wiser about your frustration and various other members of your group forced to uncomfortably 'take sides'. After much hysteria, the whole thing blows over and is laughed off as a 'silly fight'... until next time.

As juvenile as this scenario may sound, this is an all-too-common construct for resolving arguments. Whether the all-girl playground or 'cut-throat' dating pool, we are sometimes so accustomed to bitchiness as the norm that we seldom ponder the alternative.

Well ladies, here it is:

What if you knew, with every fibre of your being, that your girls had your back. They never tired of singing your praises and made you feel like a Goddess who could fly. And if you did ever goof up, they would come to you first without workshopping it with a million others. You knew they would never speak a word against you and be your greatest cheerleaders - in private and in public.

Nice, right?

Well, this is how my group of carefully chosen girlfriends finally makes me feel. I didn’t think it was possible for women to behave in this way to eachother – but nothing makes me feel more blessed. Simply, I choose to no longer have negativity around me and I invite you to do the same.

Begin with this:

If a girlfriend is bugging you, either let it go or tell her - but the most toxic thing you can seriously do is bitch. I swear it just comes back to you.

Every time you bitch, compete, or backstab... you are undermining yourself and all of the Feminine.

Cut your friend some slack. If it's bugging you, that quality is probably in you too. Take a deep breath and look within - often by taking responsibility yourself, the 'problem' dissapears.

If she is genuinely being difficult - simply and nicely tell her. That is what a friend is actually supposed to do - help us become a better person. If you can't share how you feel with a friend, then who the heck are you hanging out with?!

Sometimes, we do grow apart. That is natural. Be honest about your reasons for continuing a friendship. Sometimes it is not necessary to lose a friend... just readjust their proximity. Remember, you are the average of your 5 best friends. Surround yourself with the people whom you wanna be like. You don't owe anyone anything if they make you feel like shit.

Conduct your friendships in a loving and noble way. Be a Queen, not a fishwife.

We're so much cooler when we pool together. The Feminine expands - the more beautiful you find her, the more gorgeous you become yourself.

And couldn’t the world get a little more gorgeous?

With love,
Alina xx

Lust vs Love - How Can You Tell?

2010-08-22T13:57:00.000-07:00

We all want to feel the butterflies.

That feeling of our eyes and bodies belonging solely to another, where even the finest specimen leaves our head unturned.

I too have longed to lose myself in pining - euphoric moments of togetherness evolving to an elated crash as separation finally arrives.

Welcome to the world of lust, where romantic assessments are based on feeling and an 'unseen' energy vs character and togetherness.

Lust feels amazing - and not just in the loins. It is a feeling of desiring someone wholeheartedly with your body, including your heart. It is like taking a happy drug where you feel blissful in their presence... You feel bigger, better, stronger... indeed, it feels very much like falling in love.

So how do you know that you are not?

Because love awakens our desire to give, whilst lust triggers our compulsion to take. With lust, we WANT them, crave our fix. Their presence - or lack of - greatly influences our mood.

We don't seem to care whether they even care - whether they are on time, honest, 'get' our job or like our friends. Whilst those things may niggle at us, we conveniently forget them in the elation of being in their presence once again.

With love, it is a more grounded, anchored feeling of sweet knowing that extends its branches into partnership and togetherness. Simply, you're a team. You care about each others work and woes. Your desire is to give, to create happy moments for each other without expecting anything in return. You don't lose yourself when you are with them - you become more of who you are.

It is easy to imagine a future with your love object. There will be a receptive feeling as you picture your wedding, your children, meeting challenges and enjoying old age. Everything feels like it might just work out.

Try as you might to do the same for your lust object, and it feels like they almost want to run from the scene! There will be something in your gut that says 'this isn't right' and even 6 months down the line your visions may feel blurred.

So can your lust object be your love object? Absolutely. If the character and partnership are present. You will be best mates and lovers - as well as a million other incarnations all in the one. Oh, and your love object will TOTALLY give you butterflies...

...it's just a feeling that will grow stronger with time.

If you have a comment or your own lust to love tale, feel free to leave a post or email me at alina@alinabcoaching.com.

Have a beautiful week x

He Falls in love with Your Essence

2010-07-07T02:24:00.000-07:00

So many of us see a dashing man and set out immediately to capture him - without knowing much more of his virtues, interests or intentions.

We begin to preen, strut and stride to make ourselves as magnificent as possible in the hopes that he will notice us and take the express-lane to being a cozy coupling - when he's barely even looked our way.

The thing is, the Right one always sees us - even when he's shy. He senses us before we even walk into a room and then he cannot take his eyes away. That is the way all Yin and Yang energy works in nature: the Masculine intiates, whilst the Feminine cultivates and completes. If it weren't so, then we would be the ones shooting sperm and the male would carry the baby to term.

However without understanding this, a man's affections that are unreciprocated are taken as a sign of our diminished value. We take it personally and think there's something wrong with us.

But since when do we so righteously assume that every man must madly fall in love with us - or else? Do we faithfully like every single flower that is out there? Indeed, whilst they're all delightful, we have a predisposition to our favourite, be it the sensuous rose, regal tulip or loyal sunflower.

So too, the flower merchant of a man is drawn to your Essence above all else - in an often unexplainable attraction. Remember the teenagers in American Beauty? As Mena Suvari's glamorous Angela pouts and saunters her way through the film, Ricky Fitts can't tear his eyes (or camera) away from the 'plain' Jane.

That is how men fall in love - with the unspoken parts of you... your energy, your way, your aura... and it's entirely independent of your looks, status or temperament. Sure, he may still date you or even have a relationship with you... but he'll never fall in love.

So the lesson is... don't bother pining for men who aren't feelin' your vibe. You won't make him change his mind about you, let alone fall in love with you - much like you can't convince a die hard chocolate ice-cream fan to switch to lemon sorbet. He either likes your flavour or he doesn't - and you're no less yummy for it, ok?

Sure, there will still be tough days in your relationship, but I assure you that this strong foundation of him adoring you (and you delighting in that!) will keep you together and unified through the challenges and complexities of your journey together.

So, stop figuring out how to 'get' a man. Don't do an inventory of his exs' to see what his 'type' is; don't change the way you are in any way - to appear 'softer', more 'classy' or more 'adventurous'.

Also stop also showing up where he'll be looking 'fabulous', with an agenda (read - hope) that he will notice you and you'll live happily ever after (you're a knock-out already! Like he didn't notice...) x

Remember, there is a fabulous man just around the corner - hundreds of them in fact - that will loose themselves at the mere adorable sight of you trying to clean up spilt ice-cream when no one is watching.... and that's the type of man you want.

If you have a comment or a query to share, or a question to ask, please post below or email me on alina@alinabcoaching.com

Much love,

Alina xx

Own your Uglies

2010-04-21T00:36:00.000-07:00

A comment from a wise friend during a crisis of confidence:

"What you are most ashamed of about your appearance is what people find most beautiful about you".

The simple point of this post is this: what you're bumming on in yourself is your precise source of magnetism and uniqueness. If you own this quality instead of judging it, others will be drawn to your vulnerable sensual appeal.

Consider Lauren Hutton's gap-toothed grin, Cindy's mole or J-Lo's juicy bum. Ponder Kate's waifish ways against Nigella's wondorous proportions, Nicole's freckles or De-niro's scowl. Look upwards onto Claudia's height or down onto Tom Cruise's enthusiastic dance moves... the very assets for which they are illuminated and reverred have been a point of ridicule at some stage in their lives. Cameron the Skeletor, anyone?

It is all in choice of word, really. What is 'annoying' to one, is 'dynamic' to another. What is 'fat' to you is 'sensual' to someone else. Perhaps it simply takes some clever 'spin marketing' on yourself to rebrand your 'fat ass' into a 'sensual Venusian posterior'. Remember, words are potent and spread like seed from your energy field into the consciousness of others. Would you like others to label you crudely as you would yourself? People see what you show them. And energy can be percieved by all.

Observe those you find attractive walking through this city and your life. It is those who are not necessarily classically beautiful, but hold themselves unapologetically - almost defiantly - that always hold our attention.

The prettiest girls in the corner are bland at best when they choose to slouch inward and clone themselves on eachother. Sure, their loveliness is fleetingly admired, but they don't arouse our interest in that compelling way that pulls us to discover more.

Whether you are classically beautiful or aesthetically unique matters not. Your attractiveness will always come from how you hold yourself. And that comes from knowing you have something precious to behold.

Agree, disagree, have something to add? Please leave a comment below. If you would like to message me privately or have a question about 'up-branding' yourself, please drop me a line at alina@alinabcoaching.com.

Have a beautiful week!

Alina x

Clean is In

2010-01-07T14:49:00.000-08:00

Like every second soul this side of a rabid party season, I have commenced on a detox programme.

Diligent and committed, I rise early, drink a litre of luke-warm water with sea-salt, determinedly hand-squeeze 3 lemons and add a sharp burst of chilli powder to a brownish concoction I faithfully sip on all day. A gnawing hunger is my new best friend and anything tasty is my nemesis.

For what sane reason am I undergoing such quiet torture - especially as my omni-eating reputation rests on this? Why, I once won a pie eating contest! I can eat for both Russia and Australia, outstripping my own father and definitely most sane men in the plate-loading stakes!

Well, the above aren't exactly commendable claims to fame - especially for a Goddess ;) and so, to stay in integrity to my mission, I decided to clean myself out, re-set the energy barometer and break this excessive longing that I have to food.

Now look - nothing wrong with food. Yes, it's a delicious, tasty, hedonistic gift from the Gods. It is the juice that bonds friends, families and romances together. It is a salve for the soul, a tonic for the tired and a proud art-form for the initiated chef (Master-aspiring or otherwise).

However, it may also be that modern man's foibles stem from this excessive focus towards instant gratification at the expense of other things - an over-worshipping of the tastebuds and the compulsion to having our bellies fuller than Hercules may well be at the cost of other inner capacities that enable us all to be more creative, love deeper, speak sharper and act with more significance.

Because you see, the heavy, delicious, cream, chemical and animal laden foods we love to consume clog our chakras and meridiens. And those are the subtle voices of the nervous system and Spirit that help us rise above our problems into a realm more rich with beauty, love and general well-being.

There is a quote that reads along the lines of: "Successful people do regularly and consistently what every one else can't be bothered to".

Indeed, authentic success always doth require some sacrifice - and what is required of us today is to be magical and otherwordly leaders... To heal the planet we must vibrate at a higher frequency.

Rather than be stuffed full, lethargic and hung-over, are we not better to radiate, dance, bounce and shine with health and life-force?

I've even conjured my own version of Kate Moss's notorious quote from late last year :

"Nothing tastes as good as Spirit feels."

Indeed, more people have stopped me on the street since my detox than any other time. A sweet man said he loved my aura. I am super-psychic and know you will call me before you do (just don't ask me the lotto numbers). My mood is happy and up-beat... I am present, clear and patient in my dealings with people. These benefits to me are way more lasting, meaningful and profound that the instant (but yes, I aknowledge - orgasmic) hit of a chocolate brownie digesting in my gut.

Since starting the cleanse, I realise how little food I need to survive and feel satiated. I am shocked at how much I've been eating and consuming unnecessarily... Forget my love-handles - what about my eco-footprint? What about all of ours?

I think I serve others best when I keep myself feeling light (read - slightly hungry). I've found that is when I feel my emotions dancing through me most fully. I like hearing the signals of my intuition, the alert meanings of my thoughts. Lightness in my body is what enables me to be a present, calm and empathetic listener to friends and clients; or a happy burst of femininity to men.

I cheated on my cleanse (day 1) and ate some heavy, greasy foods come dinner time.

BOOM - the Goddess was gone. Within 10 minutes I was in an energy slump and back to my neurotic, chatty and slightly nervous self. The next day, when I recommitted to keeping myself light and clean, my aura expanded and I felt in flow. I was positive, confident and attracting good things and people into my world within hours.

Light eating is nothing new. Yogis do it. Monks do it. Any hilosopher that has made an imprint in the longevity of mankind did it - Jesus Christ, Mohammed, Buddha, Hippocrates, Socrates, Aristotle, Ghandi. I would much rather be in the company of these men, than Kirstey Alley or even Nigella Lawson. These wise sages understood the wisdom and act of love that savouring our Spirit is - above all else.

Do I still feel pleasure from food? Indeedy I do. I appreciate the juiciness of a mango... the fresh crispness of a salad... The wholesome satiation of a fish. I derive just as much pleasure from food as when I used to... it's just different food now.

It feels grateful to re-connect with my body... Eating what I need, when I really need it. In general, we need so much less than we think we do - and having less - of anything - really does make the heart sing stonger.

Do I miss things like cheese and meats? Sort of. I rather find that my mind is naturally focused on something greater - how amazing I feel and what more I am able to achieve when I'm like this. And what a better friend and human being I am to others. At the end of the day, I am simply in tune with the subtle messages of my body. If it craves a pizza, it will tell me and I will have some (although somehow I dont think it will). And if my mind get seduced and sidetracked, I will simply remind it:

Nothing tastes as good as Spirit feels.

And that really is the truth.

Claim Your Inner Masculine

2009-11-19T20:46:00.000-08:00

Do you sometimes end up with lovely guys who treat you like a queen - but who you only have luke-warm feelings for?

All too often, we hook into relationships because we feel a particular man will enhance our lives. Better friends, better parties, better restaurants. We adore them and think they are great... but deep down know we want a deeper, more genuine connection.

Well I am here to say that if a man doesn't totally rock your world - open you deeply, sexually, emotionally (and you'd know it if he was) - then you are settling. And any decision made by fear, not by choice is ultimately a debilitating one.

This post is here to help you cultivate the inner stature that you need to thrive and blossom on your own so that the next man you shack up with is even more magnificent that your magnificent existence.

See, the reason I write this is because I am the first and foremost guilty member of the "you complete me" club. For years, I have oh-so-gladly and subconsciously given my power away to boyfriends. Life was so much easier when a strong competent male made decisions for me. Where to eat, what we're doing, which virus software to get for my computer.... Sound familiar?

Now, I know that those directional qualities are what's beautiful about the Masculine. And of course, it's fun to do gadget talk with boys! What I am talking about is the dependence I felt on those decisions. Without that empowered directionality, I felt like a "little girl lost".

I know the women reading this will fall into two camps:

There are the women who have come full circle on this journey, saying "derr girl - grow up! Of course you've gotta be your own woman before you can expect a healthy coupling with a man!".

And the other women who are saying "Uh-oh... I kinda relate... I always feel deep down that a boyfriend will make my life easier, grander, more fun".

This post is for the second group - because inadvertently giving your power away like that will end you up with the wrong man. Every time. It will also incapacitate you in ever knowing your own strength, self-worth and massive capability to achieve amazing and surprising dreams.

So, what is that part of you that would rather forgo true love in favour of security?

Hey - what is wrong with security, you ask?

Nothing, per se. What I have an issue with is a relationship that is based on fear of being alone, rather than love. You are entrapping the other... and you are entrapping your self. It's like you're saying to the Universe: "I don't trust You, I don't trust Myself, I don't trust Men... And so I will take what's given to me rather than risk for some Ultimate Fantasy".

Ask, and ye shall receive ladies.

I just hope that you ask to be emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually met by a man. That is the fertile breeding ground for a love that will challenge, open and expand you into the woman you were always yearning to be - provided you let it.

And this is where cultivating YOUR inner masculine comes in - so that you don't need to get your social, emotional needs met by a man that you are not absolutely crazy about.

In simple terms, I am talking about your ability to thrive and survive in the world. I am talking about your ability to succeed and make yourself so blindingly juicy and happy that a man would need to really show up to get your attention. You are blooming, he loves the challenge... It is based on fun and attraction and possibility and desire... (much better than accepting a drink date at the last minute 'cos you hate what's on TV, I say).

Entertain yourself. Go to amazing restaurants. Go to the Opera.... Heck, a weekend away. Make amazing progress at work and manifest a major pay rise - whatever it is that you are secretly hoping will be taken care of when you have a boyfriend - do it now.

Now, I know this is old news, and most us modern women already do this... but only to some degree. It feels like, amongst my peers, we are only playing life at 70%, still hoping that a "perfect" man will enable to take it 100%.

I say - play it at 110%!

Give yourself everything you've ever wanted, yes... but remove the feelings of loneliness, frustration and pining for a man - OK?

The part in you that is OK to be in the world on your own - that is your inner masculine. The part in you that doesn't need to be rescued or pandered to on any level? Yups - inner masculine. If you don't feel like you can thrive here 100% solo, you will be hooking in the wrong men. This a co-dependent dynamic maketh. This is your little girl not wanting to be a grown, independent woman.

I think a lot of us are really gracious and grateful when enjoying the treats and spoils of man... until we come to expect them. I have never ever expected them. But when they came, I was greatly relieved - and not only because my boyfriend was such a sweetheart. But because secretly I was scared I would not have been able to do it on my own. And that is what I am trying to break.

Financial independence, freedom to travel, being a culture vulture and entertaining queen... these are my new responsibilities. At least for the time anyway. So when I do choose to merge with a man , I want to add value. I want to give more, take less. My needs are my own to look after. Only then am I free to bring the most beautiful, strong, and liberating parts of myself to a man who I choose because he is even more magnificent than my full, solo life.

Stop pining for something that you are not even entirely sure you want. Many, many people are bored in their relationships and are lying to themselves just to hold up an illusion. Do not be one of those people.

Start bringing the value of your Feminine... It only blossoms when you become secure in yourself. It is the Wild Woman in you that lets go and celebrates herself. It's you being drunk on your own company, ready to take on life and receive life in full. And only you can bring about your own security when you trust yourself. And you trust yourself when you provide for your core needs. You know you can do it. You know you are completely OK on your own.

So, what are some ways you can enhance your independence and celebration of life? Have you ever been guilty of staying in a relationship because it seemed a better option than being alone? How have your relationship dynamics changed when you began to "grow up"?

(Have a question or want to explore this deeper? Check out my website at http://www.alinabcoaching.com/ and drop me a line).

Self-Care vs Selfish

2009-10-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

There is a sick martyrdom trip going on in our midst, where the notion of doing something for yourself is met with guilt, confusion and a host of excuses about how indispensable you are to the lives of others. After all, who has time to exercise when there are people out there that need your "help"?

Pardon the cynical tone, but in my loong observations of people whose lives work - and those whose don't - success floods to those who keep their energy bucket full. These people who are mindful about how they feel and take care to face the world feeling cheerful, healthy and energised.

The rest face the world feeling stressed, drained and unhappy (ie on an empty tank), all in the name of "being a friend" and "working hard".

Puh-lease.

If you want to add some real value to your world, it's time to realise that your notion of "helping" others at the expense of your own well-being is the ultimate selfish act, and for a plethora of reasons.

Firstly, you are no good to anyone on an empty tank. Smile solidly as you might, your underlying energy is still tired, stressed and cranky and your mate is surely to pick up on that. If they need to talk, rather reschedule and see them when you can be truly present.

Secondly, very often you agree to help only to feel better about yourself and manage the opinions others uphold of you, rather than out of genuine consideration of what your friend actually needs.

For instance, do any of these sucky statements secretly hold true?

1) "I feel too guilty to say NO when a friend asks me to do a favour for them. I should always be there for my friends".

2) "I need to go to everything I am invited to. It is rude to decline and besides, I don't want to miss out".

3) It's OK if I get behind on my tasks and responsibilities to self. My friends need me more."

Ok, so here is the reality:

a) Relationships are built on an energy transference. Guilt and resentment do not a healthy dynamic make. Do something only if it's in your heart. If you "have" to, so that they don't think "badly" of you, or judge you in another way... and you need them to still think "well" of you, then get a reality check. These are not valid reasons for service (a resounding "this is about my friend's well-being, not about their opinion of me" is a green light, however). If you do go ahead with the 'favour', you are skewing with the natural flow of things (guided by your intuition) and an unbalanced dynamic will occur which will poke power holes in your friendship.

b) Do not become an "enabler". In pop-psychology, this a term for a rescuer, someone who comes in to "fix" the dramas of their loved ones in the short term, but in effect leaving them disempowered for the sake of their own 'hero' fantasy in the long-term. Even though you think you're helping, if you got gut-honest with yourself you will admit that this is weeey more about you.

c) Do not see your friends - and especially your lover - on an empty battery. As I said earlier, the world needs you strong, bouncy and glowing - not in drained, stressed martyr mode. Too often we forgo exercise, massage and just general chilling in favour of overworking, doing too much for people or socialising to the brim. Remember, friends only genuinely need your help only once in a while. If your friends are always in some sort of drama that you feel compelled to fix, then you are not in a healthy dynamic and its costing you dearly. Wake up.

d) Stop trying so hard. Who are you trying to impress? What's driving your striving? Feminine energy especially is about receiving. Self-care means to filling up on your happy vibes, so that powerful magnetic energy can work through you. When you relax and release tension from yourself, there is more room for goodness to enter you.

When we are not in flow and things stop going our way, we start to over-compensate by working too hard. This is SUCH a common and unnecessary problem and it breaks my heart to see it in action. In fact, I too lost my footing only a few weeks ago. I dropped the ball, and life suddenly got hard. Once I got back on the horse, things started swimming again.

Now I know that my self care comes first. I don't do a thing until I meditate, have my run and journal my intentions for the day. These rituals help me feel full of energy, confidence and guidance. I find when I do that, I don't need to lift a finger - things and ideas just flow.

Similarly, if I don't make the time for myself (even skipping a meditation session), everything is in reverse. No matter what I do, how hard I work or how intently I try... Nothing happens.

SO - if you are always tired and busy doing things for everyone but yourself, it may be time to ask: why are you trying so hard? Aren't you over over-compensating? Frankly, it sounds like you are consuming yourself with all the wrong things and you are best off getting busy meditating and having a massage, don't you think? :)

Ok, so before we get too excited, lets state (the obvious) of what self care is NOT:

- Watching mindless TV to 'zone out' (sorry, but you were never in the 'zone' to begin with).

- Treating yourself to junk-food, pizza, thickshake, then cake (hey, you deserve it!... Not.)

- Having a bender with your friends (the only thing you'll be "letting lose" is your reputation. People notice).

You and I both know that self-care means taking the time to nourish yourself, so that you can show up in your best way for others. You know what floats your boat. Just please now etch out the time to do more of it. Your friends need you to be happy, simple.

Here are some of my faves:

- Regressing into my 80's world of movies, music, and other nostalgia that reminds me of a simpler (and daggier) time .

- Aromatherapy baby. Lavender still rocks. As does Geranium and Clary Sage.

- Jogging with my super-loaded 'pod

- The OCEAN. 'Nuff said.

- Reading, writing, collaging...

What are some of your fail proof self-care delights? What do you wish you did more of? Do you think self-care is selfish?

Share Share Share (how selfless is that ?! ;))

There's Always a Way to Get What you Want...

2009-09-27T18:00:00.000-07:00

... provided you are willing to do what it takes to get it.

This post is aimed to help you become the kind of person that good stuff sticks to... and minimise any excess chasing, stress and inaction in return.

On some level, living life well is all about setting achievable goals, as any goal-getting gospel will tell you. To paraphrase years of self-help manuals:

"Have an end in mind, break it down into manageable chunks, do daily only what's important and viola! - trip away achieved, business launched and size 6 jeans out of hiding"...

Ok, sounds easy enough... but it's the "do daily only what's important" bit that used to get me every time. Somehow Facebook, having another sandwich and calling a friend always got in the way of me even posting on this blog (an affliction I've now conquered, as you can see by the execution of this post! ;))

For those who suffer from action-aversion, there's always The Secret http://www.thesecret.tv/ - see it, feel it, and it will come (getting off your bum and putting in the hard yakka is seemingly optional). This valuable but somewhat distorted account of manifestation presents a limited angle to what is actually a powerful law. If visualisation and affirmative thought was enough, I'd be driving a Mercedes to work by now, not catching a Mercedes bus.

Now, I am not poo-pooing the Law of Attraction, The Secret or the desire for material possesions. Its more that when goal-actualising technology is split between the "Working-like-a-dog" vs the "See-it-and-it-will-come" camps, we kinda forget that the whole point of being a good egg in life (and indeed, truly being happy) is to give, not to get.

Yes, success is dependent on action, with a bit of magic thrown in. But our ability to take those actions consistently depends on the inner strengths that are required to make said actions easy.

Most of us are so OUTSIDE-focused that we forget that WE are our biggest work-in-progress. The recognition and development of our inner qualities is what determines our ability to add real value to the world around us.

I don't belive that we "create" opportunities - rather, we grow into them.

A lot of us are still wishing for a fantasy life without doing the actual inner work to make it happen. Taking responsibility and looking at your 'stuff' is a humbling and uncomfortable process, but also one that is empowering beyond words and will prepare you for anything in life.

When you improve, everything improves.

Therein lies my whole argument for self-realisation. I am not after a wild dream or the fillment of a bottomless pit of depair within myself. Rather, I feel that the planet needs a lot of work, so I am taking the time and work necessary daily to be the most inspired, strong and compassionate woman I can be, so that I have the energy and resources to give back to others through who I am.

As the adage goes, "you can't give what you don't have".

If you don't like yourself, it's probably because you are behaving as someone you probably wouldn't like either. For instance, if I'm being lazy, skipping on exercise, being a brat or not giving my friends and family the care they deserve... I don't like myself. At the same time, when I exercise, am mindful in my communication, meditate, get my work out on time and act with integrity, I like myself. Simple!

So, become someone you would like. How would you like to be described?The best way I know is to first focus on who you would like to BE. Then go ahead and be that person. That's it.

If you have qualities that you need to work on, get off your butt and do so. If you need help, email me on alina@alinabcoaching.com and I would be happy to help you design an action plan.

To finish off, here is a quote that I just found by Gary Gorrow that sums this up perfectly...

Don't be shy after you finished reading this and leave a post about what inner skills and strengths you would like to develop in yourself... Or what advice you have for others who are wanting to develop more patience, resilience, grace or compassion in their lives...

Alina x

Shifting Perception

There are two ways of meeting difficulties: we can alter the difficulties, or we can alter ourselves to meet them.
A simple shift in our own awareness brings an enormous shift in how we experience daily life.
If we could gently train ourselves to see the progressive value in every situation, to have our attention on the gift concealed behind that which is seemingly difficult, we would come to realize that life's challenges aren't meant to paralyse us, they are natures uniquely orchestrated events designed to accelerate our evolution and help us to discover who we really are.
The truth is that if we're never challenged or never try to do something beyond what we have already mastered, we will never grow.
Jai Guru Deva
Gary

Devotion to Discipline

2009-09-16T18:27:00.000-07:00

I have noticed in the last few weeks how the word "discipline" conjures up all sorts of nervous twitches amongst my friends and clients.

Interesting to see how a word that simply means 'ritual, consistency and a worthy routine' actually conjures up images akin to Chinese water torture!

So how did this delusion start? And what can we do to befriend this rather useful but less-than-popular virtue?

Once upon a time, we decided that pleasure is good and pain is bad. It kinda began when we were very tiny and compared the experience of grazing our knees with that of Nana giving us a cupcake - and deciding we would much rather the latter.

As we grew slightly older, we became more and more at home with our world of sweet and gratifying delights.... discomfort becoming a distant cousin to sleeping in, playtime and yummy treats. We didn't know it at the time, but this was the beginning of confusing being comfortable with being happy. Normal for kids, debilitating for adults.

Over the years, our resilience muscle waned further and an Inner Sloth began to settle in its place, thriving on the traps of quick-fix instant gratification and governing our life through shitty habits like sleeping past the alarm, having second helpings of dessert, skipping the gym and calling our exes.

As the Inner Sloth began to take up more and more mental real-estate, our Inner Babe/Triathlete/Painter/Powerhouse was kicked to the curb. Her voice was only heard through our flashes of envy when we saw someone who was actually living out their gifts. "Bitch!" we would think of the fit, lithe woman on the beach doing her 4th lap of Bondi. "Oh, if only I'd had her body/boyfriend/discipline...." you lament. And, defeatist nature reigning supreme, you'd go home to the comforts of your safety net, relegating your real potential to nothing more than a 'childish fantasy'.

Arrghhh! Is this really how we want to be running our lives?

Your greatest ally is buried right underneath you. Your Discomfort is kinda like the chubby kid at school that you initially ignored, but then became your closest friend when you discovered how funny he was during a classroom gag. So too our pain becomes a misunderstood compatriot, if used correctly. Recognise it simply as nothing more than the sound of your Inner Sloth complaining, not getting what it wants... and that's exactly what you want - to piss it off so badly that it leaves. After all, what better way to disturb a gratification addict than to make it temporarily uncomfortable? ;)

What you give in to is what runs your life. And I would much rather a hot, sexy, fit, informed and energised Goddess run my life. I reckon she's way more fun than Slobbo on the couch. She is a tough chick who knows she's worth the effort...

The question is, do you?

If you don't, it's only 'cos the Inner Slob has brainwashed you to have its way. Don't buy into its dogma! It's funny how we think that discipline is a way of suddenly being 'controlled', when this thing had its grips on us all along...

The good news is, that like an imaginary friend, the Inner Slob lives only as long as you pay attention to it. And you deserve to now be paying attention to something else entirely. You are worth the trouble and the effort of making yourself as healthy, beautiful, wealthy, successful and inspired as you can be. Your dreams and projects ARE worth your time... and so is everything else in your life that is meaningful and magical to you, OK?

Listen to the voice of your Inner Goddess only, from now on. That was her speaking to you, by the way. Isn't she lovely?

So where are some wonderful and nourishing places to start being ritualistic around, for the purposes of flowering your spirit and your life?

- Getting up really early so you have time to meditate, exercise and consciously plan your day
- Saying NO to most things and people unless they nourish your self worth, creativity and soul (see post coming up on Discernment/ 80-20 Rule)
- Giving an hour daily to your label, novel, blog, website... whatever creative pursuit you're wanting to birth
- Going to bed at a regular hour
- Making 80% of your diet water, vegies, greens, alive foods...
- Making only 20% of your drinks alcoholic ;)

What else would nourish, support you and electrify your life, if given the regular care, love and attention?

I look forward to hearing from you below x

The Push and Pull of Love

2009-05-03T21:56:00.000-07:00

"Our joy and fulfilment in a relationship is defined by the romantic experience we create for eachother. This experience is shaped by the courage and creativity with which we are willing to express our emotions." AB

This is a text message I sent a lover a few years back who wasn't providing me with the emotional experience (read, "attention") I was after.

At the time, the bigger conversation did wonders for his short term interest where he was temporarily encouraged to step up his servitude towards me.

Now, I know most "hard-to-getters" are having their hairs stand on end at this decidedly open and frank demand on my behalf (I did ask him to step up and show me that he was thinking of me - indeed a rather emotionally available comment, when I think back!). However, a deeper part of me simply made the choice that I didn't want to spend my weeks feeling insecure about the intentions of the man who had seen me gyrating naked only several nights prior.

Fast forward 5 years, and I know now that perhaps men do need a little longer to emotionally catch up... So should I have just left it and not said anything to old lover? After all the outcome was great upfront, but then ultimately it ended direly. Indeed, I am still as confused as ever about this whole "playing it cool" thing.

I've had relationships where it was intense and cozy from the start - and remained that way umtil the end (until it no longer didn't). I've had even more men blow torch me with attention up front, only then to pull back suddenly and infuriatingly (Did I say something wrong? Was I not enough of a challenge? Or is he simply a committment-phone who would do said thing to even Cindy Crawford?).

This is the domain that confuses me most - is the success rate with a man early on increased if you hold off a bit at the start, letting it simmer and build? Or is it best to be open and yourself completely from the start... and if it doesn't work, it was never meant to be?

(When I recieve answers to this in person, almost everyone says that they want openness and honesty, but actually respond to the challenge.... the perils of human nature!)

One thing I I do understand is this:

The most important element of courtiship and seduction is remaining relaaaaxed. Yes, men will oft be slow to catch up to your commitment clock (unless they are totally self-evolved and emotionally available... but that is fodder for another post). And whilst the majority of 'men' (well, those under 35 anyway... in which case are they even men??) are in no rush to cohabit cozily (even with a Goddess like you... yet)... it may be important that the decision to move things forward comes from them.

Until then, reward their initiative and give them plenty of time to scratch their heads by leading a fabulous life which they would be knocking down walls to be a part of. Be realistic about where he is at and meet him on that level... if he is casual, so are you - because your life is filled with other dates, hobbies and interests that keep your heart aflame and alive.

Too often I see women wanting "boyfriend" behaviour from a guy who is just "casually hanging out" (myself - guilty!). It's a recipe for losing power (and this blog is alll about feminine power). Please - readjust your expectations of him to "casual date" and go find someone wonderful who'll claim you fully.

Now I am all up for a bit of longing - it is all a part of the romantic experience and allows us to know the depth and breadth of our feelings. Don't take all the challenge (ie degree of longing) out of courtship, or you'd be doing your spirit a great dis-service. Like in any area of life, instant gratification just leads to apathy. Keep the string of chemistry taught with just the right, playful amount of disclosure and restraint. But do it to keep things energised for you - not to entrap and manipulate him. Presto?

Being a challenge, being available, early dating rules, being yourself... Dying to hear your thoughts on this, boys and girls?

Master Your Emotional Space

2008-09-21T21:03:00.000-07:00

E-motions are just that – ripples of energy moving through our bodies like the seasons.

However, if that is the simple case, why are we often left so devastated in their wake?

This post all about helping you turn your internal tornado into a sunny summer’s day...

When triggered internally, we often think that something on the ‘outside’ has happened to make us feel a certain way. However, what we think we’re reacting to (“that shop assistant was SO rude to me!”)... is not usually it.

Rather, this event merely pressed on our “protection pockets” that as kids we develop to protect us from inner turmoil. Now, when anything happens that reminds our unconscious mind of the painful event, our bodies react physiologically in a knee-jerk response. So really, you’re unconsciously reacting to something your folks did when you were 3 – not because someone cut you off, ok?

When you tune into what emotions are a little bit more deeply, you will notice they are nothing more than just sensations in the body… A mild burning across your cheeks, a subtle tightness in your stomach, a tingling in your heart. Most of us have had tummy aches 10 times worse!

And still, many of us spend a lifetime of sins trying to drown these sensations out – why is that?

The answer is simply this: because the mind gets in the way and begins to attach all sorts of stories about why you’re upset: how your life is now a disaster, why it’s everybody else’s fault, and so on.

Of course tragic events do happen that devastate us at the truly core level. However, the destructive role of the mind is in it’s ability to stew and feed the neurosis and the pain long after the event is over – and sometimes even a whole lifetime.

Furthermore, how many times have you been upset about something that has been totally blown out of proportion? Where there is drama present in your life, the mind's trickery is usually at play – so please remember that during your next 'tantie'.

By the way, 'rejection' is a good example of such dramatizing – most of us are so scared of it, we concoct whole personalities as a means of avoiding it.

However, what is actually so bad about it? Some ignoramus is missing out on the pleasure of your company and as a result, your cheeks get slightly warm and the tummy flutters. And?!? Many before you have lived through such 'ordeals' and are still alive and kicking. ;-)

Rejection is “scary” due to all the mind ‘stuff’ that gets lumped on top to do with your identity – ‘it’s because I’m stupid, ugly, annoying, inferior’, you tell yourself. Those comments are utter rubbish.... and besides, you can’t read people’s minds.

The only truth that exists in the moment is that you have a slight stomach flutter and someone didn’t do as your agenda dictated. That, you can survive.

So, if emotions are a sensory thing, then take a deep breath and simply feel feel them in your body, without the story and the reasons. Come home to yourself, to all your tingles and sensations.

You may find that you simply feel alive – and from that point nothing can actually hurt you.

You can now also easily lower your ‘reactivity’ by recoding how your body and mind reads events. Please contact me on alina@truegoddess.com.au if you'd like to know more.

Now it's your turn - what are some things you do to master your emotions and moods before they get the better of you?

Please share your tips!

Much love,

Alina xx

Boundaries are Your Power

2008-09-03T03:51:00.000-07:00

What is the big deal with "No"?

An aversion to uttering this simple word leads to much more dire consequences down the line:

A destructive relationship that goes on too long, a mind-numbing evening that should have never happened, an ulgy temper that would have never exploded and self-respect that may remain unharmed.

And yet we remain - agreeable, meek and accomodating at the expense of our self-worth, hoping that our approval of the bullshit in our lives will somehow keep us from ending up alone.

Instead, we voice our frustrations via the passive-aggressive route: choosing to bitch and complain incessantly about the same old thing for months on end during what should be quality catch-ups with friends.

It's time to become discerning girls. Cut the crap in your life (you won't miss it, I promise) and make room for new, beautiful things that are more becoming to the woman that you are.

"Act like a queen, be treated like a queen"

The most important thing about boundaries is that they are upheld then and there.

That means that as soon as you feel even a twinking of bullshit, you aknowledge it - firmly and politely. You don't sit on it for months on end, allowing it to stew into an inevitable explosion. You act like a grown woman and speak up - NO!

Step 1

Be aware of what's draining and walk away from it. Take note of it and aknowlege to yourself that it's not right. Once you feel the burn of unrest within you, it is oh-so-easy to walk away (it is amazing how good we are at suppressing these tell-tale signs from our body, fearing what they may reveal).

Step 2

As we know, our power lies in the ability to contain energy within our body (read the last post on mystery to really understand what that means).

Boundaries, which is precisely what saying "No" means, help you contain that energy by protecting yourself from anything that takes your life-force.

Many things drain us - people who talk inccessantly about themselves, bad news, chronic complainers, hours staring at the computer screen, junky food...

As I said, it's best to have awareness of the effect these things have on you and remove yourself from them at first convenience, like a bad smell. This is not bitchy - its self preservation.

In all honesty, you're much better off speaking with people who uplift and inspire you; or balancing all that computer time with walks outside and some lazy shoulder rolls (and a massage, if you can get it).

Step 3

Authenticity (the topic of an upcoming post) is another great way of dispersing negative energy.

Be REAL with people about where you stand - and do them the favour of a lifetime. If someone is complaining, gently point it out to them. If someone is blabbing on, delicately interrupt their trance and restore the flow. Instead of pandering to their pattern like everyone else, you display genuine care by speaking earnestly are inviting them to shine with you.

Step 4

If there's no escaping the draining scenario (aunty Beryl at a wedding, a difficult client), nothing beats igniting your aura with a sphere of radiant light to keep your energy pure, powerful and clean whilst deflecting any negativity back to the sender as unconditional love.

You can have your own variation on these energy shields...

Step 5

Now, share your insights, tips and opinions with others to help us become Boundary Queens! What works for you? What doesn't? What else is on your mind?

With much warmth,

Alina x

So, what drains you? how do you protect your energy?

The Allure of Mystery

2008-08-07T03:57:00.000-07:00

It seems that everywhere I turn, people list "Mystery" as one of their most coveted and magnetic qualities.

Yet, in our over-communicated culture, few people can actually pin-point what it is and how to cultivate it in themselves.

This post is my attempt to decipher the myths and give some practical advice based on my work, experience and eager observation.

What Mystery is NOT:

- Being deceitful

- Being a mute

- Being evasive

- Being a closed book

Those qualities do not entice or enchant the other person and do not allow for an energy flow.

In fact, they are based on the misguided (but common) assumption that there is to be NO communication in order for one to be successfully mysterious!

Of course, that isn't so.

As I said, most modern women make the mistake of over communicating, being an open book. So, when the desire to be mysterious comes up, they are likely to shut down completely as a knee-jerk reaction.

TRUST ME, I am only writing about this as I myself am a recovering over-communicator.

It is only through the skills I have learned along the way that have allowed the people around me to finally take out their ear plugs. ;)

The quality of leaving people wanting more is, in fact the ultimate allure.

Mystery is derived from HOW you communicate as much as what you omit. Ommission is a careful and discerning art because the goal here is to still maintain integrity. You can be totally sincere, yet have people dying to know more about you.

How To Be More Mysterious:

The first and obvious step is to talk less. Dont ramble on. When we talk, we spill our energy and the magnetic connection between you and the other person diminishes. Talking more than absolutely neccessary comes from an underlying fear that you wont be understood, validated or heard.

Give yourself and your listener more credit. If you from this point choose to communicate in the right way, with more thoughtfulness and discernment, blessing your listener with only the essence-tials, you will be heard, understood and embraced at the very deep, heart level.

This is becuase when we talk less, we still communicate what we need to through our bodies - a loaded glance, a slow smile, a non-challant wave. This contains our energy in a way that makes our messages more potent and magnetic.

French women have perfected this technique - and now you can too.

So, to Summarise:

Instead of releasing the communication energy built up in your body through talking, contain it within by instead expressing your thoughts as feelings through the body - a piercing gaze, a cheeky smile, a suggestive eye brow.

Body talk is WAY sexier - I assure you!

Furthermore, this has the added benefit of helping the other wonder what you're thinking - which too is incredibly powerful.

Seduction is all about igniting the imagination - which is exactly what you'll be doing when you leave some things unsaid.

Good luck and be sure to post your tips and let us know how you go!

With warmth,

Alina x

Vulnerability - Allowing For The Truth to Exist

2008-06-15T04:06:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

It has almost been a month since my last post and much curious content has been stewing in my mind...

Shall I share an intriguing and enlightening beauty paradigm that I recently came across?

Or do I muse about the secret of where our sensual potency truly lies?

Indeed, these are important and useful topics that will be covered in their own time.

However for now, I would like to talk to you about the essense of vulnerability - that delicate and beautiful quality that is present in every butterfly, woman and flower, and yet a quality that most of us are still so scared of revealing.

What is Vulnerability?

I see it as the tender feeling you feel when you surrender control.

Indeed, we all have unconscious structures that we rely on in order to feel safe... Especially when it comes to unspoken agreements with other people. We go into fearful mode when we feel these structures are threatened and to avoid feeling the flux of uncertainty, we go into control overdrive.

COnsider how you control others to get your own agenda:

Do you nag? Do you guilt trip? Do you sulk? Do you become bossy?

You may have good intentions and it may certainly help you to feel better in the short term, but what if I told you your actions are actually doing more harm than good?

When you go into your controlling, dominating, self-serving mode, you contract the moment and you diminish the quality of exchange between you and the other person.

And who wants that?

Feeling Safe in Your Surrender

Next time you are trying to "get" people to behave in a certain way, ask yourself:

Are MY good intentions to the greater benefit of ALL involved? Whose agenda is this this really benefitting?

Since control is a form of fear, it is very likely that your control is a self-protection mechanism.

Relax, we all have it - next time just be more conscious of it.

Furthermore, notice how drained and exhausted you feel when you take on the responsibility for "rescuing" your friends. You work over-time to offer them advice they'll never take, or get angry when someone doesn't behave it the way you think they "should" ("Should" is such an ugly world by the way, please scrap it from your vocabulary and replace with "want" or "prefer").

And we do it because we worry how our friends behaviour will ultimately affect us. Yes, swallow that - when you are in controlling mode, you are doing so because you fear of what it would mean to YOU if the situation were to escalate. If you were to really care from your heart and choose love, I assure it would warrant a totally different conversation. One is concerned with your wellbeing primarily, the other with your friend's - see the difference?

Sometimes being a true help means biting your tounge and saying you'll love them no matter what - the fallout may mean feeling the discomfort within as your opinion is left unsaid - and that is precisely what vulnerability is.

Vulnerability is the tenderness you feel when your heart opens as you release your fear-based agendas, when you allow the moment to be and trust that, even though you dont know what will happen next, when you act from a place of genuine caring and love you trust that everything will work out for the best.

Now, Allow for Truth and Observe

This week, imagine just pausing and just letting it be... Allow your friend to experience a crisis that you don't feel compelled to fix?

Imagine saying nothing when your boyfriend does something wrong or forgets somethng?

Imagine going with the flow, allowing people to be late and changing the plans you have together?

What comes up?

As you continue to breathe into that feeling, you may discover the tender heart of a True Goddess.

Til next time,

Alina x

Introducing the True Goddess Journey...

2008-05-20T20:00:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone and welcome to the Goddess Forcefield!

The Purpose of this Blog

I am here to bring you the best insights from what I see, hear and learn each day - bullet-proof advice you wont hear anywhere else on being a true gift of woman on this earth.

And OF COURSE - Men are very welcome on this blog! We appreciate you, respect you and admire you and would love to hear your input.

So to all of you reading this - I'd love to hear what's going on for you and what you want to hear about most!

About Me

I'm Alina Berdichevsky, the gal who runs a business called "True Goddess" - a unique service to help bring women back to their deep feminine power...

Every day, I deal with many wonderful, modern and successful women and their dilemas with love, men and relationships; sexuality; confidence; communication; and success to help them solve their woes... (But of course my learning doesnt stop there - as any modern woman, I go home and have my own experiences in the common themes of my own private life.)

But First... Who is a True Goddess?

Essentially, she is your unique embodiment of a potent, feminine and inspiring woman...
She is in love with life, at peace with herself and connects authentically with others. Most of all, a Pure Goddess has courage and gusto to crack through stagnant conditoning and go for what she loves- she has the courage to LIVE her truth.

What Feminine Energy is NOT:

Before we go any further, it's important to denote some feminine energy stereotypes:

She is NOT a dumbed down, submissive and agreeable, chipy bimbette, tied to the stove baking cookies and wearing pink. Feminine energy is not a saccarine Betty Crocker clone, she is not the "perfect plastic woman" Stepford Wife and she is not an anti-men, hardenned "feminist" -

SHE IS A GODDESS - and all the beautiful, sensual, warm and inspiring qualities that embodies - men and women are drawn to her, because being around her makes everyone feel happy and enriched.

If that makes you mad or uncomfortable, just look around at the state of the world - do you think the planet could do with a bit more love, softness and compassion? Were these not the qualities you most adored in your mother and the people around you growing up?

Indeed the True Goddess is a nurturer - but she's no submissive slave!
Yes, she is open and receptive - but she's no doormat!
Yes, she is gentle and soft and kind - but she is wallflower!
And YES, she is strong and tenacious - without being aggressive or a ballbreaker!

Why All This is Especially Important Today

If you observe nature, you will notice perfect balance and harmony co-existing in everything to ensure its survival. Summer balances winter, water balances fire, night balances day, yin and yang, masculine and feminine.

However, if you look around at the concentration of world leaders, the philosophers who have influenced us, the way the schooling, educational and medical systems are organised and general positions of authority, its overwhelmingly all men men men...

Now, I am not saying that men haven't been doing a great job, and men who are conscious, self aware and mature bring forth many great qualities - initiating, bold, strategic, self-sacrificing in the name of loving service...

However, when men-overload is uncurbed by a feminine counter-balance , it begins to get out of control as we are witnessing in the world today - left unchecked it can get arrogant, defensive, stubborn and aggressive, initiating wars and the like to defend and prove its raging ego.

But the reality is - men are not entirely to blame! They are just responding unconsciously to a low presence of authentic female energy. And in my recent experience, most women (including myself, up to a year ago) unfortunately have little access to the concept of what it actually is.

Feminine essence has been supressed for so long, that there are not enough women on the planet today who are still connected and aware of it to live it fully and teach others. I myself am am only on the journey of discovery, merely inviting you to step into the void with me. There are definitely SOME women out there living in truth, but not ENOUGH to create any massive global change or turn-around. If I am wrong, then why aren't there more women in leadership positions?

The Potency of Feminine Leadership

The reality is, true feminine energy is very potent and powerful - it could easily go head to head and win with male power. We are the ones who can give birth and have multiple orgasms, remember? There is a reason for that.

Women in their feminine bring out the BEST in men. Just as you are craving a man who is strong, decisive, self assured and an effortless leader, its only fair to note that men are also crying out for women who are gentle, sensual, stable and receptive.

So, please get off the high-horse with me and cease the thinking that men actually OWE us something - cos I'm realising more and more that they don't.

What we owe to OURSELVES, first and foremost is a return to OUR essence, our feminine truth.

The True Goddess in Everyday Life

So the first step is to becoming a Pure Goddess yourself is to start thinking about your own source of strength - is it masculine or feminine? Does feeling powerful seem forced and challenging or deep and effortless?

Now, please ponder the following and feel free to post your answers:

1) How do you get your way in the office? How do you get your way with men?

Be really honest with yourself and notice your strategy unfold:

eg when do you push /demand/sulk/manipulate/control/calculate/flirt/get angry/ or scheme?

2) Next, think about when you feel like a Goddess? Who are you around? What are you doing?

What qualities do you embody in that space - open/loving/patient/playful/sensual/joyful/or in flow?

3) What do you tend to do more of - A or B? Are you different at work to how you are with men? Why so - what motivates you to act in these ways?

4) What can you do different to remain in your Goddess energy for longer?

5) And finally, what does being Goddess mean to you? Who do you think is a True Goddess walking the earth, and why?

So don't hold back - I'd love to hear your thoughts, ideas, experiences and challenges! And of course - feel free to challenge me. I am here to learn and grow just as much as you are.

Til next time, Alina x